apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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