Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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