don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize