i don't plan on having that self control this summer
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
