the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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