Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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