my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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