I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
