Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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