I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
