I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I met the friendliest cop last night
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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