So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Where is the hickey?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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