Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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