cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Do vagina's smell?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize