I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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