Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
