He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
