This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
