they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
God gave him joint rollers for hands
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
