does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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