I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Randomize
