I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
