"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
apparently the secret to your success is patron
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
