nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Welp...herpes.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Randomize
