well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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