May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
