that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Randomize
