I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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