you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
