he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
