turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
