I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
