My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
