ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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