There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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