it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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