I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I need water and some morals
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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