I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
