FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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