I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
