I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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