You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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