im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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