I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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