if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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