Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
