9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Randomize
