your thong is hanging out like whoa
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
