You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
