I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
