Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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