Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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