seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
