i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
