I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
