I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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