Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize