I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Randomize