We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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