I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
