i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
