I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
