i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
