Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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