The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Randomize
