Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
