i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
