three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
